


Happiness only costs an arm

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Eddie lost an arm, Eddie stays in New York, Fluff, M/M, Pining Eddie Kaspbrak, because I said so, but not his spirit!, post chap 2, stan's alive too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: Eddie wasn’t weak. He knew that now. After losing an arm to a demon alien and spending weeks in the hospital, in and out of consciousness and then starting painful physical therapy, starting an even more painful divorce-Well. Eddie learned that he was a lot of things but weak sure as hell wasn’t one of them.Afraid certainly was though. Scared. Terrified. But only when it came to Richie.Or, post chapter two Eddie has to deal with a lot of changes. Some better than others
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 22
Kudos: 115
Collections: It fandom prompts Fall 2020 Gift Exchange





	Happiness only costs an arm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jupiterss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jupiterss/gifts).



Eddie wasn’t weak. He knew that now. After losing an arm to a demon alien and spending weeks in the hospital, in and out of consciousness and then starting painful physical therapy, starting an even more painful divorce- 

Well. Eddie learned that he was a lot of things but weak sure as hell wasn’t one of them. 

Afraid certainly was though. Scared. Terrified. But only when it came to Richie. Richie stayed with him since he was admitted to the hospital, sitting by his side and holding his hand (his  _ only  _ hand, his brain rang out, panic still rising in him even after several weeks) Eddie still couldn’t admit several things to him.

Like that he’d married his mother. That he’d realized he was gay the second he’d seen Richie. That he was still, after nearly three decades, hopelessly, stupidly in love with the other man. 

So no, he wasn’t weak but he was afraid. They were different- even if they didn’t feel like it sometimes. 

“What now Eds?” Richie asked, watching intently as Eddie pulled the liner over his stump. He knew that Richie would help if he asked, he looked like he was itching to, but Eddie needed to learn. He had to be able to do this on his own. He’d be on his own back in New York so it didn’t make sense to let someone else do it now. The doctor had been against him leaving so soon but she hadn’t fought with Eddie. She seemed to realize that he would keep up with his PT and everything else on his own. He was grateful for that. The four walls of his hospital room got smaller every day. Even though he didn’t know what would happen once he left he was ready to find out. 

“Get an apartment, get a new job, get a divorce. In that order.” Eddie said, hissing quietly as he put the prosthetic on. It was fitted to him but still pinched at first. He wasn’t used to it. He didn’t really want to get used to it. 

He saw Richie perk up at the last item but refused to read into it. Just because they’d both come out- Richie loudly to all his fans, Eddie quietly and only to the losers- didn’t mean that Richie wanted him like that. 

“I have an apartment in New York. You should stay there.” Richie said after a short pause. 

Eddie turned to him. “Why?” Richie hadn’t mentioned that before. He would have remembered. The thought that they had lived in the same city, even for only a little while- Eddie shook his head. It didn’t help to go down that path. 

Richie shrugged, unaware of all the emotions he’d dragged up in Eddie. “An investment? I think. Or maybe I was supposed to film there and didn’t want to stay in a hotel. I’m not sure. I rent it out on airbnb now. I’ll give you the friends and family discount though.” 

“Where is it?” Eddie asked, cutting off a potential ramble. 

“Brooklyn.” He must have made a face because Richie laughed. “Look, it's trendy and cool. Sorry it’s not in douchey manhattan.”

“I didn’t say anything.” he mumbled, trying to fold the last of his clothes. It wasn’t easy. He had to lie them on the bed and fold them one armed, He planned to invest in a lot of hangers when he moved. 

“What do you say Eds? Wanna stay in my east coast bachelor pad?” 

Eddie considered it. It would be better than a hotel, at least until he found a more permanent place. And he liked the idea of still being connected to Richie somehow, as dumb as it was. 

So he nodded. “Yea, I do. If that’s okay.” 

Richie’s face broke into a grin so wide it made his heart flutter. “Well shucks Eds, you’ve made me the happiest landlord in this whole goddamn city.” He threw his arm around Eddie. “I’ll even clear the rats out for ya. That’s how much I love you.” 

Eddie felt himself flush like he did whenever Richie jokingly declared his love. “Shut up asshole.” He said, ducking out from under Richie’s arm. 

“Now Eds, I may need to stop by and check your heater, if you know what I mean.” Richie added, nudging his side. 

“You live on the other side of the country.” Eddie said, trying not to sound sad. He didn’t want to be three timezones away from Richie. He didn’t want to be three minutes from him. 

“Might still stop by. I’ve got a lot of work in New York.”

Eddie could only hope that was true. 

\---------------------------------

Two days later and he was moving into Richie’s apartment. Richie had offered to come and let him in but Eddie refused. As much as he wanted to, he wasn’t going to drag Richie across the country just to hand him keys.

The landlord unlocked the door and Eddie peered in, worried about what he’d find. He let out a sigh of relief as he walked around. Richie had kept his promise of hiring a maid service so the place was clean and tidy. Not that there was much to get dirty, the rooms were pretty bare. If Eddie had to guess Richie had paid someone to furnish it but hadn’t ever lived here. It didn’t feel like him at all. But it did feel like a place Eddie could stay, which was a huge relief. 

The next day he went to his old apartment. Myra had promised to leave for exactly two hours. He hired the best company he could to move his things out. He didn’t have much but he wasn’t planning to ever come back- or risking her coming back early. The movers were stupidly expensive but worth it. Within the time frame they had all his things boxed up and labled with tidy little stickers. Only once he was standing in the small apartment surrounded by boxes did he let himself feel something. 

First it was relief, he was reclaiming his life. He was his own man. 

Then fear. He’d never been alone, he’s gone straight from his mom to Myra. How the hell was he supposed to do this? 

Next was a longing. He missed the losers. A lot. 

At least Eddie could do something about the third one. He grabbed his phone, facetiming al the losers and hoping that at least one would pick up. 

He got an assortment. Ben and Stan answered right away, then Richie a second later. 

“Eddie Spaghetti! How’s the new place? See any pigeons yet? Or as I liked to call them, air rats.” Richie asked, his face filling the screen. 

“What? No. Wait- have pigeons gotten inside before?” 

Ben interrupted before Richie could try to freak him out more. “I see boxes, is that a good sign?” 

Eddie nodded, moving his phone so they could see. “My whole life, packed into twenty boxes.” He paused for a second. Saying that hurt, it triggered something in him. His life was so small and easily contained, like he’d never really taken up much space. 

Before he could think about it too much Ben and Stan were insisting on a tour of the apartment. He led them around, letting Richie talk about all the random things he’d done in different places- _ Oh! John Mulaney sat there once. He stole my coaster- Hey! I puked up skittles there. Taste the color of the rainbow right?  _

“Now you’ve got a place to entertain your dates at least.” Stan said as Eddie finished. Richie made a strangled noise as he flushed. 

“Maybe. Bill’s been helping me sign up for tinder.” 

“Bill?” Richie gasped. “He’s the worst one of us to help you!” 

“He’s a writer!” Eddie said. He didn’t want to talk about this. 

“With terrible endings! Eddie, you ask the comedian for help with dating sites! I can write you witty one liners about how sweet your sauce is.”

Eddie shook his head vigourously. “You’re never getting near my profile.” 

“Eddie Spaghetti, tastes as good as he looks. Sign up now for a five finger discount.” 

“Shut  _ up _ .” Eddie said, knowing that he was bright red. He looked to the others for reinforcement but saw that they had both dropped. Stan had sent him a text saying he had better things to do than watch them flirt which Eddie immediately responded to with a ‘we are  _ not  _ flirting’. 

Richie was still waxing poetically about Eddie as he sent the text. He stopped when he saw Eddie’s expression. 

“You okay Eds?” He asked, his voice suddenly soft. 

He nodded, looking around the apartment. “It’s just- it’s been a long time since I’ve been alone. And I miss you guys.” He was trying not to think about it, how they were all scattered across the country. Bev was moving to Montana with Ben, planning to work remotely. Mike was still in Florida- though everyone had bets he’d end up in LA with Bill and Richie by extension. Stan was in Georgia. Eddie was the only one even in his time zone. 

“You know Eds, you could move out here. You’d be closer to all the best losers then.” 

Eddie looked at Richie. He’d brought this up before, after Eddie had had a hard day at physical therapy. He’d offered to let Eddie stay with him, to live in the guest room until he got back on his feet. Eddie had flat out refused; he wanted to be on his own. Plus the thought of living with Richie without being with him- it was too much. 

Eddie shook his head. “I love New York Richie. I’m not an east coast guy.” 

Richie’s disappointment was obvious but he didn’t say anything else, instead reading Eddie some of his new stand up. They talked until Eddie had to go to sleep. He slept surprisingly well in the new bed, thinking about all the changes he was making. 

Two weeks later, he was making dinner when there was a knock on his door. Eddie frowned. No one knew where he lived except the losers and his landlord. He hadn’t wanted Myra to find him and try to win him back with a burnt casserole. 

“Yes?” He called, walking to the door. You didn’t live in New York as long as Eddie had and not learn to be at least a little wary of random knocks. 

“It’s a welcome party, let me in Eds. This shit is heavy.”

Eddie relaxed, opening the door to Richie, who was carrying a big box of items and a duffel bag. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie asked, grabbing the box from him and peering inside. It was full of streamers, party hats and a random assortment of other things.

Richie shrugged, trying and failing to look nonchalant. “Told you. It’s a welcome party. I couldn’t let the event go unmarked.”

Eddie paused. He wanted to argue, to tell Richie that he didn’t need it, but deep down he wanted to celebrate too. He wanted to acknowledge the steps he’d taken and he couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather do it with than the losers. Besides, Richie was already here. Unannounced but still. Eddie wasn’t about to turn him away. 

“Are the others coming?” He asked, glancing into the hallway. 

“Uh, nope. Just me.” Richie said, not quite meeting Eddie’s gaze. “They just don’t love you like I do.”

“Whatever.” Eddie smiled at him, grateful to be back in Richie’s presence. Before he could second guess himself he moved in and hugged the taller man, wrapping both arms around him. 

“Careful there cyborg, I might break.” Richie said, hugging him back. If both lingered for a little too long, well, that was their business. 

“You won’t break. My arm isn’t that strong.”

“Your human one is though.” Richie said, looking down at Eddie but not letting him go. Eddie didn’t move back either, too happy to be in Richie’s arms again. They stared at each other, Richie reaching down to move Eddie’s hair back. 

“It’s getting long.” He said, playing with a lock. 

“I haven’t had time-”

“I like it.” Richie added. His voice was so soft that it almost hurt. 

Eddie forced himself to step back, pointing to the kitchen. “Do you want some dinner? I was making a salad.” 

“Of course you were.” Richie shook his head. “Sure, it’ll offset the milkshake I had for lunch.”

“That’s what-” Eddie closed his eyes and waved his hand. “Nevermind I don’t want to know.” He went back into the kitchen and Richie followed him. Eddie could feel him watching as he went back to chopping the vegetables. 

“That thing is nifty.” Richie said, pointing to his chopping cup. 

“Thanks.” Eddie added more veggies to it then pushed the blades down, cutting them into bite size pieces. He’d tried to keep cutting things normally for the first few days and had ended up fed up. Rather than following his first impulse to break down and cry he had poured himself a scotch and had pulled out his laptop to look up what other people did. He’d gotten lost down the rabbit hole, reading what other people had gone through, how they managed. He’d ended up still crying but for a different reason. It was the first time he didn’t feel so alone. Other people had gone through this, struggled like he had. And they were sharing what had helped (and what hadn’t). 

In a fit of drunk bravery Eddie had left comments on the posts, telling them how much it meant to him to hear about their experiences. He’d also ordered nearly all of the things they recommended, deciding to try it out and send back whatever didn’t work for him. He was determined to make his new life work, whatever it took. 

When he’d woken up the next morning he had realized two things. First, he was hung over for the first time in nearly a decade and it was awful. Second, people had replied to him. A lot of people. Some of them were the blog writers and some were other readers. Eddie had been nervous to read the replies but they were all incredibly kind, welcoming him to the community. They even invited him to join some groups. He had declined for the moment. He wasn’t quite ready for that but he liked knowing that they were there, close by. 

He could feel Richie’s eyes on him then he moved closer, hopping on the counter. “I don’t think I’ve ever used this room.”

“I’m shocked.” Eddie said, glancing over at him. He had almost forgotten how much liked being near Richie, just his presence was comforting. 

“How have you been Eds?” Richie asked. 

“You know, we’ve talked.” Eddie said, adding the vegetables to bowls. 

“I talked. You didn’t say much.” 

Richie was right. He had a hard time talking about his new life. Eddie was proud of it, what’d he’d done but he was still mid- transformation. The others had moved on so quickly, living their amazing lives, and Eddie wasn’t there yet. He didn’t want them to know how jealous he was so it was easier not to say anything. 

“It’s fine. I’m subletting an apartment from some weirdo.” Eddie said, glancing over as Richie laughed. 

“Hey, at least the price is right.” 

“True.” Eddie grabbed the bowls, handing one to Richie. They went to the small table, catching up as they ate. Eddie laughed more than he had in weeks and soon the two of them moved to the couch, Richie sitting far closer than he needed to. 

His eyes fell to Eddie’s prosthetic, running his fingers over it. Even though Eddie couldn’t feel anything he still shivered. “How’s the robot arm treating you?” 

“It’s okay. Still sore sometimes. I’m supposed to massage it but it’s hard to reach.”

“Let me.” Richie said quickly. “If you want.”

Eddie paused. “It’s- I mean the skin is gross Richie, you don’t want to see it.” Eddie hated looking it it, the puckered skin, how abruptly his arm ended. 

“Eds,” Richie ran his hand up to Eddie’s shoulder, massaging it. “Nothing about you is gross.” 

Something about the earnestness in Richie’s voice made him want to cry. Only Richie could do that, lower Eddie’s defenses without making him feel weak. 

He nodded, “Okay. If you’re sure?” Richie nodded. “Let me put dinner away and take this off.”

“I can do it.” Richie said, already on his feet. “I showed up unannounced, the least I can do is clean up.”

Ten minutes later they were back on the couch and Eddie was explaining how to take off his prosthetic. Until now only the nurses or Eddie had taken it off and none of them were as careful as Richie. His fingers slowly undid the latches, holding the arm so there was never a weight on him.

“Now what?” Richie asked, placing the arm on the table.

“Shrinker comes off then we need to wash the skin, dry it, lotion. I usually check for sores or wounds in the mirror too. Then I put a bandage over it for the night and wash the prosthetic.” Eddie rattled off his nightly routine. He’d spent a lot of time learning everything he could about his new life. He’d been paranoid about doing something wrong, about somehow fucking things up. But it turned out he was suited to this life, to a detailed nightly routine. 

Richie exhaled, nodding. “Okay, you’ll need to walk me through that again but let’s start with washing your skin. Tell me how.” 

Richie listened as Eddie explained in detail, at some point he even got up to take notes. He never told Eddie he was being over the top or ridiculous, he just listened and nodded. It made Eddie fall for him even more. 

Finally they were ready to start. “If it hurts or anything-” Richie said, raising the washcloth. They’d moved to the bathroom and were now even closer together. Richie’s sleeves were rolled up and Eddie’s eyes kept falling to his forearms. 

“It won’t.” Eddie promised, turning so his stump was near Richie. Richie raised the washcloth and Eddie realized something. “Wait-”

“What?” Richie asked, jumping back.

“I- I normally take my shirt off, so it doesn’t get wet.”

Richie’s cheeks reddened. “I- sure. Whatever you need Eds.”

“Can you help me?” Taking it off with one arm wasn’t very elegant and he didn’t want Richie to see it. 

“Already asking me to undress you, Mr Kaspbrak. How forward.” Richie said, putting down the washcloth and grabbing the hem of Eddie’s shirt. “You ready for this?”

“Just take it off asshole.” Eddie muttered. 

“Sexy Eds, you talk like that to all the men?” Richie obliged though, yanking off his shirt. To his surprise Richie folded it nicely, placing it on the counter. 

“Damn Eds.” Richie said, staring at his chest. “You should go shirtless more.”

“Shut up. Can we get on with this already?” Eddie asked, feeling self conscious and a little cold. 

Richie nodded, grabbing the cloth and stepping in. Carefully, he raised it to Eddie’s stump, washing it more gently than Eddie ever did.

“How’s the temp?” Richie asked. Eddie looked over. Richie’s face was close enough that Eddie could see the smudges on his glasses. 

“It’s good.” 

Then Richie grabbed the dry cloth and dabbed it over Eddie’s stump, following all of his instructions. Eddie always wanted to kiss Richie but now the urge was even stronger. He knew that Richie wasn’t a details person but he’d listened to everything Eddie had said and was following them precisely. It meant something, Eddie was sure of it. It was more than what you would do for a friend, even your best friend. 

He watched as Richie squirted lotion on his hand. “Why’d you come Richie?” He asked quietly. 

“I told you.” Richie said, starting to massage the stump. Eddie swallowed a groan. He hadn’t even realized how much it ached until Richie’s fingers started to work over him, thumbs pressing into the skin. “Welcome party.”

“Richie-” Suddenly Eddie was so tired of this, of being afraid, of dancing around each other and being cautious. He’d conquered so many fears this year, why was this one the hardest? 

So Eddie summoned his courage and leaned in, pressing his lips to Richie’s. 

Except that Richie didn’t kiss him back. He made a strangled noise and stepped back, nearly tumbling into the shower.

“Shit. Fuck.” Eddie said, pulling back and feeling himself turn bright red. “Oh no, no-” He practically ran out of the room, going to the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. He’d messed up. He’d fucked everything up. Richie was never going to talk to him again and Eddie didn’t blame him. 

It only took Richie a second to start calling for him “Eds!” He was knocking on the door. “Eds come out.” 

Eddie shook his head, leaning against the door to keep it closed. “No. No way.’

“Eds that wasn’t- I-”

“I know.” Eddie replied, his voice thick. “It wasn’t what you wanted. You don’t want me. I get it.” Richie could have anyone why would he pick Eddie? 

“What?” Richie squaked loudly. “No! I definitely want you. I’ve wanted you for -twenty years? More?” 

“Don’t lie to me.” Eddie spat back. 

“I'm not lying!” Richie took a deep breath. “Open the door Eds. Don’t make me confess to a piece of wood. Please.: 

“It’s not even wood. It’s cheap plywood.” Eddie muttered. He took a second, remindinding himself not to be afraid. Whatever happened next couldn’t be worse than fighting Pennywise (he hoped).

Eddie opened the door and Richie nearly fell into the room. The two stared at each other. “Well?”

“Give a guy a second.” Richie took a deep breath and Eddie watched as his nostrils flared. “Eds I love you. That’s why I’m here. I came here to tell you. Because you’re finally single and I figured I could confess, get it out of my system and move on.”

Eddie tried to absorb the words. “But you- in the bathroom-” 

“The literal love of my life kissed me when his shirt was off.” Richie’s eyes bounced down then up. “I was surprised.” 

“Oh.” Eddie sucked in his bottom lip. “So you- would want that? Me?”

“Yes. Please.” Richie stepped in, cupping Eddie’s cheek. “Can we try that again?” Eddie nodded and Richie bent down, letting their lips meet again. This time neither pulled away for a long time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kinghanscom asked for some disabled Eddie so hopefully I delivered! I wanted to write something about Eddie dealing with his disability on his own. We all know that Richie would be more than willing to give up everything and help but I think Eddie would want to figure stuff out alone first. (I’d also like to think that he starts meeting up with amputees and makes some new friends, he deserves it)


End file.
